Apple’s cosies up to China again despite promises to Trump
Cook promises more cash for Beijing while pretending to love American manufacturing
Apple's CEO Tim Cook has once again pledged to pump more money into China, promising Beijing’s industry minister Li Lecheng that Job’s Mob will keep investing in the Middle Kingdom.
Cue pushes Apple to splash cash on AI startups
Cook still doesn’t fancy doing anything bold or expensive
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple’s services overlord Eddy Cue is apparently desperate to blow some cash on big-name AI firms, though his past ideas, like snapping up Netflix and Tesla, were promptly exterminated by supreme dalek Tim Cook.
Tim Cook insists the iPhone is not dead
Its just resting
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple's supreme dalek Tim Cook has tried to calm jittery investors worried that AI might finally kill off the sacred iPhone cash cow.
Siri spirals into chaos
Voice assistant flounders while rivals sprint into the future
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple’s 13-year-old digital dunce Siri is proving more useless than ever, infuriating users while other tech firms surge ahead with bleeding-edge AI chatbots.
EU having another crack at Apple
Violating anti-geoblocking rules
The fruity-cargo cult Apple is again finding itself in trouble with the European Union over its geo-blocking antics.
Apple wants Trump to protect it from EU bullies
Cook calls him to make him promise to protect Apple's lunch money
Former US president Donald Trump claims that Apple CEO Tim Cook called him to get the EU to stop picking on the poor little cargo cult.
Apple Boss rakes in millions
Tim Cook trousers $63 million despite slashing his pay target by 40 per cent
Apple boss Tim Cook has bagged a whopping $63 million in 2023, even though he had cut his pay target by 40 per cent from the previous year.
Tim Cook thinks people use smartphones too much
They wear out you know
Popular beat combo singer Dua Lipa had a “revealing” interview with Apple CEO Tim Cook in which he revealed that he thought that people were using their smartphones too much.
Tim Cook tries to whip the Apple press to push AR and VR
Even if his company’s forthcoming project more doomed than the Titanic
Apple supremo Tim Cook is trying to encourage positive stories about his outfit’s AR and VR gear before its launch on 5 June.
Apple admits it uses Sony image sensors
Just in case that kept you up all night
Apple traditionally does not say what components it slaps under the bonnet of its iPhone cash cow, so the Tame Apple Press was surprised that its CEO Tim Cook revealed on a trip to Japan that it uses Sony image sensors.